Well, here we are again...the LOVE blog...
With a twist.
So, here's your scenario--it's 15 years in the future. You have 2 children, boy and girl. You may have given birth to these kids, adopted them, stolen them from bad homes like I do dogs, whatever--you have them.
Their ages are 12 and 13. Your daughter is older. Both of your kids are, of course, stunningly attractive and have each shown interest in romance (same sex/opposite sex--again, doesn't matter).
Based on your personal experiences, what do you want them to KNOW about love?
Will you tell them?
Will you let them find out on their own?
What are the most important and key pieces of information you want your kids armed with when it comes to notions and ideas about love?
How much of what you tell them will be based on your own experiences?
And finally, where did your own ideas about love come from? Do you think that had anything to do with how you feel about it now?
The first thing I would want my children to know about love, is self love. You cannot begin to love someone else to the full extent without truly loving yourself first. Being in love can lead you to many different scenarios, good and bad. I would want both of my children to know that they don't have to depend on love from someone else to be happy. And that they should be confident within themselves when it comes to knowing what they deserve. I will make it clear to each of them that they will never have to go through heartbreak or anything that has to do with there love life alone. I'll always be there shoulder to lean on whenever they need it. I personally feel like theres a line that shouldn't be crossed when it comes to a typical teenage relationships. They should have there own privacy and learn to handle things on there own, because I wont be here forever to hold their hand through it all. I feel as though giving them the space they desire with having the advantage of knowing they have me by their side at the end of the day is necessary. Based on what I tell them will mostly come from my experience. I learned the total opposite of which I hope to tell my kids one day. I would of loved to have my parents guide me through my first heartbreak instead of telling me that i'm young and shouldn't be stressing over this stuff or having the feeling where I couldn't go to them when I felt like the world was crashing down on me. I coped with the fact that love isn't always what it seems to be. I now know the basics and understand more and more everyday. Love is crazy, but I dream to raise children who understand love more than I did.
ReplyDeleteLet me just say when I am older, I hope my kids would come to me for advice about anything, especially with the complicated concept of love because I would want to help them with this. Therefore, if they do come to me for advice, I think the best way to guide them are through examples, such as personal experiences. In doing so, I most likely will tell them stories from my experiences with love, either good or bad, in order for them to conclude what they want their love life to be. I think telling them my past love life would be beneficial for them because then they can understand what a real relationship should be like, how they should be treated, and so forth.
ReplyDeleteWhen I advise my children about love, I will tell them to always have a big heart and keep it open, I will tell them sometimes the wrong people may enter it, but they have to come first in order for the right one to come in eventually. It is important to keep a big heart because then it causes more love to spread and enter, either in relationships or friendships, love will always find your heart if it is nice and big. Also, if your heart is big enough and unfortunate things occur, it will be too big to break and you will be just fine.
When my kids are at the age of curiosity about love and relationships I want them to be prepared. I want them to know that love is not like the movies and tv shows and it is not sunshine and rainbows 24/7. I want them to understand that heartbreak is a possibility, but like I said before if they keep their heart big enough it will never break.
I also believe that people learn better from experiences. Therefore, I will be there for my children as much as I can, but to figure out what love is to them they need to experience it for themselves first-hand. They are never going to understand what love is if they never experience it, so sometimes it will be better for me as a parent to let them figure out what love is.
My perception of love, like most people, came from my parents. My parents were my first example of what love is and it was a really good first impression of love if you ask me. My parents have been married for thirty years and still look at each other every day like it is the first day they met. They still go on dates once in awhile, they like to go on Sunday car rides together, and my dad makes breakfast for my mom every morning (but not me :/). They might sound like one of those corny couples (that’s because they are) but it is also something I admire and hope to have one day. My mom once told me, “Find a gentleman that makes you feel special and as happy as daddy makes me feel.” And one day I hope I am as lucky as my mom is.
I am not one to talk about love with they might have to ask parent #2. But, I will say that I find self love more important. It will help you thrive in the love you want with another. It will help you build trust and a bond and rid insecurity. It will help you become selfless and independent. Self love brings comfort. My perception of love last year is a lot different than how I feel about love now. Love is and kind of sometimes now-toxic. That is not the love I desire. Love should be simple.
ReplyDeleteI have children lets say.
But also, I hope there perception of love has not already been ruined. I hope I did my part in keeping up with the lightness and refreshing part of love. I hope they see it. I hope they feel it.
But when time comes and they wanna love someone- I'll say it is hard. Really hard. You can't be so stubborn. You can't have such a big ego. You can't do things expecting that they will react the same way you would. You can't do things expecting. You need to understand that no one is a superhero. They are only human. They are only a person like you are who might be stubborn and crazy and weird and insecure. You can't make a perfect person. You can't meet someone that gives you a feeling that I can't describe and when you get out of the honeymoon stage you have to look and you will have to fight and you will to be ok with what comes with love.
I will tell them everything I know about love.
I think love saved my life. I think if I never loved or self loved that I would be alone. Love and the fighting and the pain does something for you. No matter what age. No matter if it works or fails. It builds. So much character. It builds you so much that it is necessary.
Well hopefully 15 years from now when I have my own kids, I’m happily married and can show an example of what love is. But love is different for everyone and everyone’s relationships are different so I’ll only tell them the basics. I’ll tell them that without trust a relationship will never work. It will constantly be filled with questions and anxiety and accusations. I’ll tell them that, love is two sided. If only one person has love in the relationship than it isn't love. I’ll tell them what my mom told me. She said that love is like hearing the funniest thing you’ve ever heard and laughing so hard you pee yourself and no matter how many times you hear it it’s always just as funny as the first time. I’d want to tell my kids about love but, I’m not stupid and I know they won’t listen to me so they’ll have to find everything out by themselves as well. I would also want my kids to know that love and heartbreak are two completely different things. One may stem from the other but love does not equal heartbreak. Everything I tell them will be about my own experiences except for what my mom told me. I’m sure that in 15 years I’ll have a lot better advice from learning more about love.
ReplyDeleteThinking fifteen years into the future with a scenario of a 13 year old daughter and 12 year old son scares me. The thought of being old with children that I own and have responsibility for is something I try not to think about, quite frankly I want to run from it. I don’t think I can handle finding my daughter crying over a boy or learning my son hurt some precious girl's heart, so I really don’t know what I’ll say when they ask about love. Some days I look forward to a cute little family and other days I am so certain I want no kids. I am damaged and don’t want to damage my kids or run into a situation with my children that damages me even more. I will be that crazy mom that marches into school ready to bet everyone and anyone’s ass when someone yells at my child. I will be that crazy mom that marches to their activities ready to bet everyone and anyone’s ass when someone hurts my child. I just will be that crazy mom that won’t be a good influence on my children when it comes to self control.
ReplyDeleteIf I have children I might just honestly ban them from dating until their 21 and homeschool them, but then I remind myself they will have no people or social skills, no common or street sense. I wish when my kids ask about love that I can tell them to just completely love themselves first blah blah blah, but I didn’t learn how to love myself until after I was broken. I can only hope that I marry a man that will teach his son nothing but respect so I never have to deal with the fact that my son could potentially hurt an innocent girl.
I hope I am not as bitter when it comes to loving my own kids like my mom was with us. I hope I learn to distribute my attention equally and radiate my love to my children, I hope they can feel it and see it through my future husband and I.
I can only hope I do this whole parenting and life thing right, it will just be a bunch of trial and error I guess. I will give my husband and children everything I have and hope it works.
From my personal experiences, I believe you kind of have to learn love by yourself. There are some things that I would definitely tell them. Especially when they are going through a bad break up or something related. Unless they come to me with questions about love and all that good stuff, I most likely will let them learn on their own. Or maybe if they want me to share personal experiences with them I will, but that might not work because things change. Maybe not the way love is (is what is not changing), but times change so the way you go through the process changes. I just don’t want to be the one giving them advice and I mess something up because they took the advice. So maybe I am just scared of messing something up for them so I will let them learn on their owns. I just want them to learn things on their own because my advice could not be valid valid in 15 years.
ReplyDeleteIf they ask Papa about love, I’ll tell them there is no true definition, it is only feeling and that they will know it when they feel it. At 12 or 13, I will not try to explain the various feelings of love and all that good stuff because at 12 or 13 it would be a lot to try and comprehend. I would probably try to explain it to them later in life when they are in high school around sophomore/junior year. And by this age I think they would have so many different opinions on love because of everyone’s different views on it. You have the pessimistic people in high school who tell you that no relationship will make it past high school or it isn’t real love because you’re just in high school. Then you have those people who freaking make out and basically have sex with clothes on, on the sides of hallways. Everyone has a different view on love, but maybe my opinion will matter most because of what figure they see me as (their dad). Or maybe it won’t matter at all because they will see me as an old geezer. Either way, if they ask, they will receive.
A couple things that I would have to tell my kids at this age, besides telling them that love have no true definition, is that love can hurt at times and love isn’t easy. It may seem beautiful and sunshine at first but it will always be bumpy. I do not want them going into relationships thinking that everything will be beautiful the whole times and that love is just such a marvellous thing and that nothing will hurt them. I rather them be prepared with the truth, rather than be caught off guard. I will share experiences when they get older and are ready to comprehend everything I will bombard them with. There is just so many things that factor into love. I will not be easy trying to explain it to them and help them with it, but I will do anything for those kids so I will try my hardest to make sure they are prepared for what love has to offer. I do not want any surprises for them.
People hate love, people love love. Love hurts people but it also changes people. I hate when people say how much they hate it. They need to know it was not meant to be if the feeling of hate overtakes them when they think of love. I say this because I have been in a previous toxic relationship where I thought I was in love. My view of love was completely different than it is now and that is all because I met the right person. Meet the right person and love will actually make sense, it will actually be something worth having.
ReplyDeleteI hate to be like this, but I would tell my kids the story of Bernard and I. Everyone makes fun and rolls their eyes but you know when you meet the person you want to be with for the rest of your life. You just know. I would tell my kids about all of our memories and how we are together if they couldn't see it already. Even if something ever happened and we were not together god forbid, I would still tell them our love story because nothing can ever top it. I will tell them that if they find love and all it provides is sadness and toxicity then it is not real love, it is not meant to be. If they believe in their innocent little hearts that they love someone and that someone does not love them back, then their love will pass on to someone else where it is meant to be. I will tell my kids if you fight every day then it isn't worth it. If they are not your best friend, your person, they are not for you. I will tell them all about how scary love can be. How breakups hurt but they happen for a reason. I believe that breakups and love mishaps all happen for a specific reason. The reason being that they will find who they are truly meant to be with, their soulmate. I will tell them how to not listen to elders when they tell you young love is pointless and it is simply not true. I found my person, I will be living with him next year and I am only about to be 18 years old. Young love is hard to find but if my kids find it I will support them one hundred percent. Yes, I am a sappy girl who loves love and cherishes it. But I stay like this because it is who I am. I will stay like this to show my kids when they go through a heartbreak that love should not feel horrible, that love is worth having. I will tell them to never hate love, but to cherish it and if it hurts you then to find it elsewhere. But find it elsewhere in time. True love doesn't just happen if you look for it. If you go looking it is forced, you will not find it. Just stay whole and do not be upset you have not found your person yet. Because someday, you do not know when, but someday you will and you will know what love really is. I do not want my kids to be afraid or hate something they do not even really know. I hope to set a good, not perfect, but a good example of what love really is.
I may only be 17 years old and a senior in high school, barely an adult out in the real world, but I’d say I know a lot about love. My past and current experience have taught me a lot about love, whether it be self love, love for family and friends, or romantic love. I know we are talking about romantic love here, but it is important that you have other experiences with love before you jump into romantic love. So, what would I want them to know about love? I would want them to know that there is no “right” definition of love. By that I mean, not necessarily that there isn’t a right and wrong way to love, but don’t go out looking for a love that someone else has or has told you about because love is never the same, it’s always different, it’s always unique to the people in love. I want them to know that you must love yourself before you love someone else, and before someone else can love you. I want them to know it is very important that love is sacrifice, compromise, trust, romance, friendship. But, although I want them to know all of theses things, I don’t think I’ll tell them in a “sit down” or “we should have a talk” kind of thing. Rather, I am going to show them, explain, and tell throughout the years. I will show them how to love by setting a great example with my husband. I will explain to them through good examples when we see them. And I am going to tell them through random conversations-- because my mom is always the best at those, I have to give them a taste. I am most definitely not going to let them find out completely on their own being blind, I am going to try and guide them. I think it is important that they have an idea going into it because if they are completely blind, they will be way to vulnerable to getting hurt.
ReplyDeleteMy kids must be armed with a bunch of knowledge of what notions and ideas of love are. I need them to know that no one's notion or idea of love is the same. They must know that not only is love unique, but how you show it, and how it feels is just as unique as the two people in love. Oh-- and that’s important too. I said “two people” above, and when I say two people I don’t mean any more than two. They must know that, because in my generation, many boys don’t comply to that important rule. I will arm them with the knowledge that everything happens for a reason and love doesn’t come with a handbook with instructions or a step by step “what to do in a relationship” guide. Because, if they think that’s the way it is, they will get hurt. And my purpose is for them to not get hurt. Everything I arm them with isn’t necessarily going to be just from my own experiences with love. I feel as though if everything I taught them about love was what I had experienced, they wouldn’t be armed with anything compared to what they need to be armed with. I need to make sure that they learn about love from all angles, not only my own. Because, like I said before, not all love is the same, so if they only know how to love like I have, I would just be setting them up for failure. But then again, of course I am going to tell them a lot about my experiences with love because when it comes from a personal example, it is more tangible and understood better than scenarios or make believe.
DeleteI’ve always grown up with my family as a whole, and as one big unit. Everyone was always together, aunts, uncles, grandparents, and no one was ever divorced. So, whenever I was with my family-- which was all the time-- I was exposed to couples and relationships and marriages and love. I grew up seeing how the men in my family treat their ladies, and vice versa, as well as how they talked to each other and everything else that comes with being with another person in a romantic relationship. I guess since I’ve always grown up seeing and hearing this without intention, it just has come naturally to me. So, you could say my ideas about love have came from my family during my childhood. I think this is an important part of the idea of love I have today because I was exposed to not only love, but old school love. I grew up watching the men hold the door for the ladies, pulling the chair out and/ or pushing it in for their lady. I grew up watching the woman care for the man whether it was cooking him dinner, cleaning up a mess. I grew up watching the purest of love-- my grandparents love. Their love has taught me how to love throughout the years and unlike some people in my generation, I will never put up with or expect less than what I have been taught. Being exposed to love since I was little has a whole lot to do with how I feel about love now. I don’t think about love in the here and now, I think of love for the future. I invest my time and my love into a person deserving of my time and love that will stick by me and do right by me and love me for years and years to come, not just a summer fling. That’s always been important to me, having a future with someone I love. And that was taught to me, although it was unintentional, by my grandparents and their pure love that has lasted fifty years and counting.
I cannot wait to give birth to two sexi children I can call mine, that look like my lover and I combined. But I have so many opinions about love that I am generally just confused about. I despised the word at one point where I could only say it to my family, friends and when I talked about the beach. Then I did not believe in the word because of my parent’s divorce. However, my views started to change as I watched Abby fall so deeply in love with someone who is equally so in love with her and that makes my heart melt and my mind wonder. I wonder if love is real but then I do not believe when someone says it and then gets their heart broken into a million pieces. However that could just mean it is said to early and too often if it is not really real. I believe Abby and Bernard are in love and I believe other people say it to early, so in the end I guess I believe it is real but it is thought to be felt when it is not really felt. So I will tell my kids that love is a real thing and I can see it in many relationships but people do not always mean it when they say it. BUt sometimes it is not always a bad thing if you say you are in love but end up not and then falling in love without the person you are truly meant for. For example, if my parents did not think they were in love then you would not be blessed with the presence of Max, Sadie and I :)))) Luckily my parents were in love or thought they were in love so I now have Max and Sadie but now they have found their true match. This will most likely be the conversation I have with my kids after their first heartbreak when they need a shoulder to cry on and hope that there will be better days. The most important thing that I actually live by strongly is to not throw around the word. In some cases I am hypocritical when it comes to this because I use the L word when it comes to chocolate and fuzzy socks but in general I use the L word rarely. I hope my kids use the would rarely as well so they know the magnitude of the word. Love is defined as, “an intense feeling of deep affection.” but I feel like love is so much more that it is so hard to define. My kids must know love is not obsession and jealousy to the extreme. Love is NOT sex. And sex is not love. Love is not texting back as fast as possible because real people have lives and are busy. Love is not hanging out every single day. Love is letting your loved one out and trusting them enough to hang out with their friends and go out without you. Love is still having separate lives and separate friends. By then I hope to have a lot more experience with the L word in both the heartbreak (I guess) and the extreme butterflies and rainbows but for now most of my advice will come from watching the ones closest to me along with a little personal:)))<3
ReplyDelete15 years from now, I’m sure my outlook on love will be quite different. What will stay the same though is how love should not be because well, I’ve experienced that. The first thing that I will tell my kids is that love is treacherous. I will tell them that longevity of a relationship does not determine quality. I will tell them that before they get into a relationship with someone, they should pay close attention to how they treat their friends and family--and especially how they treat their mother. I want my kids to know how important it is to get to know someone. Even though love for someone can completely fog your perspective, I will tell my children to try to keep their guard up. I will also tell my kids that for any relationship to work, trust is imperative. If this person has turned their back on friends, cheated in the past or lied repeatedly, then I will tell them to stay away.
ReplyDeleteEven though I know it will be hard to stay out of my children’s business, I know I will have to. Ultimately, my kids will have to figure love out for themselves. What their idea of love is will be different than mine. I will just show them how love is supposed to be, how they should be treated and always provide a listening ear. I do not want to be the type of parent who gossips with the other moms about who our kids are associating with or have to stalk my children on twitter. My kids have the right to their privacy. I would never want my mom looking through my messages, not because I have something to hide, but because it’s uncomfortable.
I hope that I can establish an open relationship with my kids. I feel as though when a parent becomes intrusive in a child’s life, it is self-defeating. When you want to know what’s going on in your child’s life, the best way is to say, “Hey, you know I’m always here for you and I will not judge you. I know I’m your parent but I would never punish you for your feelings or mistakes.” In doing this, a kid will feel like they can go to you and not get in trouble.
When it comes to my kids in relationships, I will do my best to warn them but stay out of it unless they come to me for help. I know that for one thing I will tell them to stick up for themselves and never let anyone walk all over you. I hope that they will pick someone who treats them right, or else I will have to give my opinion. Even if I do give my opinion and they don’t listen, I will let them fend for themselves. I think that when parents cross the line between “advice” and “controlling their relationship” that’s when they create sneaky kids. There are some things that kids will have to learn on their own.
A lot of the advice I will give my children will be from my own experience. I will most likely just recycle the advice my mom gave me. My mom has been very good to me in this area. My mom has raised me with good morals and values. She has taught me when to walk away from a relationship and armed me with the courage to stand true to myself. My mom does not take crap from men, and I love her for that. My idea of love probably stems from my parents but branches out to love stories, movies and books. It kind of sucks that there are movies out there to provide you with a beautiful landscape of love only for reality to disappoint you. The way I feel about love has changed. At first, I was optimistic and in search of a love like my parents and grandparents. Then came a couple of idiots to ruin my optimism. Despite some failed relationships and heartbreak, I still believe that true love is out there.
I wanna start by saying my daughter will not be dating at 13. You just became a teen, take your time, get off that Debbie Gallagher bs. My son at 12? I picture a 12 year old as those kids that you find abnormally small walking around the mall in snapbacks shorts and a t shirt and running shoes with high socks. I cannot picture those people dating anyone, and when I do I picture them dating it’s a sight that just makes me mad. Not like mad, mad, but like when you just see something and it triggers you even though it probably shouldn’t. But for the purposes of this blog, I will continue on with the questions asked.
ReplyDeleteI don’t have experience with love, I don’t know what love is. If you ask me this same question in about ten years when I am ready to have kids or maybe have already had them, I will most likely have a different question. The only thing I have at this point in my life is that the search for it is tough. It’s like Indiana Jones searching for whatever that gold thing is, (never seen an Indiana Jones movie all the way through) all happening in your brain and most likely in your instagram and twitter dms. I think the best type of love would occur when everything just falls together, not forced, but when you’re young, make it happen yourself, there’s nothing wrong with a high school relationship, they keep happiness. 9/10 relationships in high school aren’t going to last very long, but hey, maybe your ex is gonna set you up with your future wife, you never know.
I feel as though love is different for everybody, it’s an indescribable feeling that everyone will attempt to describe in different ways, you never really know until you have it. And even there’s a possibility that even then you will not know. With that being said, my kids are going to have to figure out the same way hopefully I will figure it out one day, via experience. I don’t know what love is for anyone else, all I can do is try to give a little bit of insight from what I’ve experienced. To really know, you have to experience it, so go do that mi hijo y hija.
Love is such a complicated topic. Honestly, at 18 years old, I really do not think I have a great grasp of what love is. I would want my children to know that love is complicated, but that is all I would tell them. You get something special out of finding things out for yourself, so that is how I would want my children to discover love. I would not just put them out there without any ideas of love, but I would not try to put any hard ideas into their head. They would just be armed with the basics or possibilities of what love may be. I would not want them to know absolutely nothing about love, because they would need some amount of guidance. The little amount I tell them would probably be mostly from my own experiences, because that is what shapes my idea of love.
ReplyDeleteMy own ideas of love most likely came from my parents. Besides the lovey-dovey stuff that you see on TV or in movies, love comes from what you are surrounded with. The core of my ideas of love probably came from my parents and from what they have told me. I guess that everyone always thinks of love as perfect and beautiful, however sometimes it is not like that. Honestly I do not really think I know much about love at all, i’m only 18 years old and do not have that much experience.
My kids will hopefully have an idea of what love is by the way my future husband. That doesn’t mean my love is the same thing as their love though. Love is so different and in order to understand it you must be able to go through the bad times and the great ones and still be thankful. It’s important to make your own decisions based on your own happiness because if not you’ll never feel complete with your choice. I hate when people say “you need to break up with him/her” “you’re stupid”. Regardless, that person will face any consequences and come out stronger than before, eventually. I hope my children never regret a choice they made in love. At one point, that person made them the happiest they could be (I hope) so regretting love is only making things harder on themselves. I see tweets that say “I never want my kid to be crying at 2am over a fuck boy”. Trust me, I do not wish that on anything but what are kids supposed to do? I wanted to cry for days and days and it’s okay to cry. You have to learn and those who know the struggle of a heartbreak know what I mean. Crying sometimes is the only thing you can do. This goes for my son too, it’s 100% okay to cry and I will be there if they want me to but I know I just wanted to be alone or with the one that hurt me. It’s horrible and sounds dumb but the ones that hurt as most sometimes can be one of the only people to make things better. I am so grateful I’ve been through the ups and downs because now I know what real love is. I know how to trust. I question a lot of things but I’m getting there. It played a part in who I am and self love is just as important as giving your love to someone else. For my boy especially, he needs to know how to treat a girl. Both my brothers always tell me after seeing me cry so many times they could never put a girl through that, especially someone they loved. He must be the best he can be but at a young age he should be worrying about himself--my daughter too. Loving people is difficult when it has failed before but it is by far the best feeling ever and I hope everyone can agree on it. Being in the arms of the one you love the most is the best feeling in the world. But if it does fall apart, it’s your opportunity to build back up aka the climb. Love u little babies I think about you guys almost everyday. Everything for you guys. Let someone break your heart and glo up. Dye your hair and Glo Up. It works every time, I promise :)
ReplyDeleteWhoever my children choose to love will be up to them, I won’t judge the person they love or ridicule that person. But when ever they have troubles in their relationship I would like for them to come to me for guidance. It’s quite difficult to maintain a relationship especially in high school mainly because of your peers and the people around you. Some people are jealous and others as sad as this may seem just want to see you unhappy and miserable. I’ll understand that my children will have their own group of friends in school to go to advice for but I’d recommend that they come to me first.
ReplyDeleteBased on my personal experience I would tell my children what they might go through in a relationship. But I would also remind them that love is a beautiful thing and the moments and time that you share with your is what really matters. About 20% of my experience of love is what I’ll share with my children. The other 80% would just be negativity and to toxic for them. My daughter would be 13 so she would probably understand more than my son would. Hopefully both my children have crushes at the age of 12 and 13 and aren’t madly in love at this age; the advice of love that I’d tell them can wait until they enter in high school.
Everybody will be put through challenges in a relationship. Of course we all want to protect our children from broken hearts in the near future but 9 times out of 10 it’ll happen. I’ll give my children the best advice that a father can give but while they’re in school I can’t protect them from a broken heart.
My ideas of love came through experience from my parents. My parents never told me about love but I would see how they act towards each other. One day the would eat breakfast, kiss and head of to work. The next morning they would start of the day with arguing and bickering. It was weird but I saw that as a unhealthy relationship growing up.
The important ideas of love that I would want my children to know is that people will try to influence you to do things you don’t want to but only you can control who you love.
The famous George Sand, said was there is only one happiness to love and be loved.There are many different types of love. Many people seek and try to find love but it is a hard aspect to find. In all many many teenager girls living in our millineum find it extremely hard to find what they are looking for in the true relationship. Through the hardships and heartbreaks in all they still seek the vacuum. On the contrast, many things can go wrong but love is something that is irreplaceable if you contain it is contained in your within. If you love something you will cheerish it with all your mind, all your strength, and all your soul. There can be trials and tribulations between that withstands between the storms but in all you have to have the desire love passion, intimacy , and commitment, It is written in the well establish Biblical book that "love thy neighbor as you love thy self".
ReplyDeleteFor this reason,I strongly believe that everyone should be brought up in a loving society. People who don't tend not to express love go through life the highway. They have a social and mental disconnection with the life around them and perceive things a little differently than those who do experience love. Young adolescents and children should be thought how to express and experience deep gratitude and affection. I strongly would educate my children between love because if do not they may run into stumbling blocks that with stand them and being able to strenghten themselves posteriorly and anteriorly.
Honestly, I have no personal experience with love. Right now I’m just straight chillin’ through life and I don’t plan on worrying about “love” until I get to college. So, the only experience I have with love is indirect and comes from all around me. I think the most fundamental idea of love that I’d want my children to know is that it’s complicated and unique to everyone. There is no “one way” to love; it’s different for everyone and that’s an opinion that most people agree with. I think that would be the only thing that I’d tell them. That, plus the fact that they should always try to figure out what they want from their relationship before jumping straight into the deep end. But, aside from those two points--love is complicated and what do you want from love--I wouldn’t tell them anything else. Like I said, it’s a concept that varies from person to person and couple to couple, so who would I be to try to control and manipulate what my children believe love is. I’d want them to learn all the lessons, heartbreaks, and happiness that love brings and be there for them in all those moments of comfort and joy, just so they can discover everything for themselves. I wouldn’t want my kids to learn about love through all of my experiences and stories because of the fact that I wouldn’t want to influence their life and their own views on it. I don’t want them to walk through life timid and afraid because of some bad experiences that I might have in the future, and I don’t want them to frolick all about with the only objective being to find someone to “complete” them because of some amazing experiences I had. I would never want my children to feel as if they should block love out of their life or give them false hope. The idea that love is unique is definitely one that I take into account every time I see couples in my surroundings (even the really weird and disturbing ones at Oakcrest). Also, as mentioned before, I really think that one should evaluate him/herself and evaluate why he/she wants to get into a relationship before they dive in. It doesn’t matter if all a person is looking for is to find someone to love forever or to have a little fun or to have a rebound, as long as one finds the real reason for wanting to get into a relationship, then one will see if it’s for all the right reasons or for all the wrong reasons. Plus, figuring that out before even starting a relationship will set some reasonable expectations for a person’s significant other because if all one is looking for is fun and a good time, then they can’t expect too much of their partner unless circumstances change. And that happens a lot and it’s okay because then the wants change so the expectations can too!
ReplyDeleteBecause I read so much and watch a lot of television shows and movies, I know most of my views on love come from them. As unrealistic some books/movies are (like Nicholas Sparks--gross), there are actually ones that do depict some relationships that could be legit in reality, which is why I feel a lot about what love is to me comes from them. I see from an outsider and insider perspective how each relationship varies as fake as they may be and I can learn some great lessons from them. While books and movies might not be the greatest indicators on the concept of love, you can’t disagree that they are entertaining and the bad movies provide a good laugh. I just hope one day I can find someone to personally teach me about love, so then I can have a personal experience with this idea, but for now I guess I’ll stick to my romantic comedies/dramas.
To be honest I don’t really plan on having kids simply because I feel like I would be a terrible parent but if that idea happens to change and I have two kids, this would be my advice:
ReplyDelete1. Don’t become too attached, you’re young and young people don’t have a damn clue what they want. One day they want you another day they want something else. Everyone is immature and has no clue how to properly handle a relationship, there will be times that you’ll hate and times that you’ll love but just focus on creating great memories and learning from your memories.
2. Don’t expect a lot, especially to my daughter, she can’t expect to have a guy take her shopping and to extensive dinners and stuff like that. You’re young just focus on building yourself and hope that they stall along for the ride.
3. Be yourself! Never change who you are, don’t become something you’re not just to win the affection of someone. Superficial attraction led to superficial love.
4. Don’t try to fix them (especially to my daughter but if my son is anything like me he’ll also try to fix people), people only can fix themselves if they have no interest in fixing themselves then don’t waste your time trying to do it for them.
5. If your gut tells you something then believe it, if you get an uneasy feeling like it’s going to end then simply let it end, don’t hold onto strings that are better off left to fray.
6. If they cheat on you never take them back, if they didn’t value you before when they cheated on you then why would they value you now?
7. Most men are scum but not all of them are, you know what your worth and don’t let anyone make you feel anything less than that. Women are difficult to deal with so expect this, they’re going through things that you don’t understand and that they don’t understand so it’s just a giant mess of emotion. Just support her when she needs it because she’ll be there for you when you need it.
8. If you’re not happy with them then leave, don’t waste their time by leading them on. Never forget to think about the other person, everything comes back around just remember that.
9. Be prepared for heartbreak, the days of people staying together all though middle school and high school are over. Relationships will end so be prepared for the pain of heart break.
10. Treat your girlfriend like you would want someone to treat your daughter, and treat your boyfriend how you would want someone to treat your son.
I guess I am not the best person to ask about love because of how pessimistic I am about relationships. This sounds cruel but I want my kids to go through great heart break, that way they will find out who they are. I also don’t want my kids to turn out like I am and have an eternal lonliness. I hope my son doesn’t turn out like me and become attached and search for happiness in someone because in your search you’ll find loneliness.
This advice comes from all of my own experiences and fears about relationships. I will unknowingly project my fears on my children and that is something no child deserves which is why I do not want to have kids. I mean 10 years from now who knows, my perspective could completely be reconstructed.
ReplyDeleteI like the categorization of love in ‘indoor sports’. Lol anyway, I’d tell them love is not a fact. I’d tell them that love comes with so many variables, it can never be an equation and, thus, can never be entirely figured out. I’d say that love comes from your heart first. And that it then comes from your brain, then your heart again, and your body is last. If it comes in any other order it’s something else, don’t trust it. Don’t do it. Don’t participate in it.
I’d tell them sexuality is not fact. I’d tell them to explore if they wanted to, refusing to confine them to that barrier: many kinds first barrier. I’d tell them that beauty cannot be found on billboards, tv ads, reality shows, or in magazines. I’d tell them the only places to find beauty are outside the windows or in rainy-day reflections. I’d tell them they can trust me with any questions and I’d offer to tell them any story (almost any) and I’d tell them to be themselves...to never be afraid to be themselves, to never let anyone stop them.
I’d tell them that pain is inevitable, and they might not listen, but that’s for them to figure out and moms to supply tissues and cookies for. I’d tell them that “no” means no. And that if they’re ever hit, spit at, told to shut up, called names, then it isn’t love. And I’d tell them that if they ever feel they’re being abused to fight anger, seek empathy, and leave. I’d tell them that their self-worth is not even measurable. And hopefully at least that part will stick with them.
I’d tell them this based in my own experience, based on words I would’ve benefitted from hearing at 12, 13, yesterday. I’d leave myself out of it unless they asked.
My own ideals came from experience and I’m glad they did. I can’t experience much worse than I already have, and I’m ready to handle things the right way if something worse ever does happen. I learn from experience. I think I really desire experience of things both good and bad which may be immature or something, but really I just wanna know for myself and I don’t think that’s possible without self-experience...at least for me.
In this scenario, I want to tell my kids about my experiences with love. I would tell them about the ups and the downs of love to make sure they know how heartbreak feels and how love should feel. I would tell them how my experiences of love felt, but I want them to experience it in their own ways because everyone experiences it differently. I think the most important thing to know is how to deal with heartbreak. Many people get their hearts broken at one point or another in their life, so I want my kids to know what to do when it occurs. I hope they never get their heart broken, but I will prepare them just in case. I would also tell them that love isn’t easy and it can’t be one sided either. I’ll tell them that they need to put in a lot of effort to make a relationship work, but the other person does too.
ReplyDeleteMy own ideas of love came mainly from my grandparents and from personal experience. My grandfather loved my grandmother so much. Once my grandma was diagnosed with parkinsons, my grandpa took care of her day in and day out. Once my grandmas vision started to fade, my grandpa cooked every meal for her, and helped feed her. Since she couldn’t drive anymore, my grandpa drove anywhere she needed to go and got her anything she asked him for. In my opinion, all the things that he did for her show how much he loved her. So, when I tell my kids about love, I will tell them about how much my grandparents loved each other.
My parents divorced when I was young, so I don’t remember a lot from when they were together. One thing about love that I learned from my mom is how not to deal with heartbreak, and just problems in general. She wasn’t heartbroken because of my dad (because she sorta left him), but she was heartbroken because of another guy. During her relationship with this other guy, she picked up drinking. She started out light, but now she gets drunk every night to avoid her problems. This is not what I want my kids to do when they experience heartbreak. I want them to be sad for a little while, until they’re ready to talk about what happened, then I think they’ll be able to move on. I’ve also seen the way that my dad dealt with depression. When he’s depressed, he gets home from work and doesn’t feel like doing anything. He just goes to sleep because he’s not motivated to do anything else.
I don’t know much about love. If I’m talking to my daughter, I’ll probably have her watch sappy romance movies to show her how love’s supposed to be. I’ll show her “The Notebook” to show her how love changes and how much she deserves to be loved. I’ll show her “Me Before You” to show her that sometimes if she loves someone enough, she has to do what’s best for him. I’ll show her “The Best of Me” to show her that she can still love someone even if they aren’t together anymore. Honestly, this is probably how my daughter will learn about love. On the other hand, my son probably won’t want to watch those movies. So, he’ll have to learn closer to the way I learned about it. He’ll be able to look up to his parents and see the way they love each other. He’ll also have to go out and experience it for himself.
Well first I will educate my kids on self love. I will let them know the importance of it and how much it means to not just them but those around them to have love in their heart and love for themselves. I feel as though one can not love another unless they love themselves first. I understand others thoughts on that saying that you can love another without loving yourself first because they have loved or is in love with someone while they don't love themselves but I find it very very very silly. What will happen when they person hurts you, says something mean to you, makes you sad, or even leaves you? You are going to break. That person was the only hope you had in love and the only chance you thought you had at being happy and your only source of happiness so what the hell are you going to do now that they are gone and you don't love yourself? You are going to be filled with negative thought and feelings and love will seem like nothing but pain. The mind will forget anything good that love ever brought you because the pain you feel from them leaving is more than the happiness ever felt. Although if you loved yourself, knew your self worth, knew you will always be amazingly beautiful no matter who loves you or who you love then you will know that it may hurt that they left you but in the end you will always have that positivity and love in your heart.
ReplyDeleteI will also teach my children that not every situation needs a reaction. I will teach them to have an open mind and think things through without jumping to conclusions and to use communication instead of assumption. Relationships that are filled with assumptions that result in drastic actions are never healthy. Although if a relationship has communication and open minds, than what one who makes assumptions may see as a mountain, the couple who works things out together will get over easily and end up happy once over that small
Bump in the road. Not every situation needs a reaction, I don't want my kids getting smacked by someone someday for saying something wrong or unnecessary because they spoke before they thought things through.
I will teach my children things and educate them about the society at that time, the truth in the world and not the silly news stories they hear in Facebook or on misleading news stations. I will also educate them on things I knew and know and give them advice as much as possible but at the end of the day I won't expect all of what I may say or do to be a protection from all that is bad. I know bad will happen to them and I know that they will go through alot of pain but I want them to go through it. I want them to experience that and learn from their mistakes and grow and build after being torn down otherwise how will they do on their own when I am gone and can't protect them anymore? I will keep a connection with my children so when they do have that first heartbreak, and they feel like the world around them is falling apart and the ground beneath their feet is like a magnet bringing them down, I will be right there with open arms. And when they are laying in bed crying on their pillow feeling like the world has it against them, I will be by their side rubbing their back letting them know they are beyond beautiful, beyond intelligent, beyond talented, beyond funny, beyond any walls others may try to build around them and will go beyond the stars they may think they will never reach. I will be there for my children and I know that at the end of the day I will be proud of them no matter what they do or say because the love I will have for my children will be so powerful, I know they will do amazing things in the world. love will be another great thing in their life that will give them lessons I can't give and challenge them in ways I can't, making them stronger than I ever have been or will be.
Whatever it may be, I want my kids to know that I am always there for them-- that I will always listen to them (even if theyŕe being annoying little brats), I will love them, and I will try and try and try my best to be the best mom to them as possible, the mom they need me to be. Especially if theyŕe struggling with loooooove. Fifteen years into the future, when my daughter and son are all grown up, I want them to understand: love may not always go the way you want it to, and that you shouldn’t beat yourself up if it doesn’t. Love may be complicated, but it’s not the end of the world. Whether it be a friendship or lover or even a pet, you can love and love and love all you want, but be mindful-- put yourself first, above everything. If my kids are anything like me, they’ll do the exact opposite. They’ll have a big heart. Theyĺl love endlessly and put the other person’s needs over their own. Which isn’t a bad thing, but self love is the first love. The other person may not always return your love, but you can. Sometimes it’s okay to think about your own happiness for once. But as much as I tell them something, they are my kids, and they won’t truly believe me until they’ve experienced it themselves-- until they see it for themselves.
ReplyDeleteMy idea of love stems from a lot of different places-- my mom, other people’s experiences, and my own. Sometimes even from this class. But that’s the thing about love. It’s different for everyone. Everyone lives a different life, everyone goes through different experiences, everyone learns differently. It’s kind of like a book, you know. Everyone as their own, unique “Book of Love”-- one that they keep adding on and adding on as they grow older, as they learn more. Love is everything-- it’s the happiness, it’s the hardship, it’s the memories, it’s the tears. To my kids, I will tell them everything they want them to know about love, but I can only tell them so much. I can’t write their book for them. I can only help them. The rest, they have to write for themselves.
When I (if I) have kids, I definitely wanna be the cool mom. I want my children to feel like they can talk to me about anything, including romance and everything that goes with it. There's a lot to know about love, especially when you're 12-13 years old. I know that when I was that age, I had no experience whatsoever when it came to love and relationships- so having a cool parent/adult to talk to would've been helpful. If my kids approached me about a love interest, I would listen to all they had to say and give my input only if they asked for it (i would try to refrain from talking all about my experiences, since love is so ambiguous and I wouldn't want them to base all their ideas about love around my ideas of love).
ReplyDeleteI would try to offer some general advice to help guide them through early adolescent romance; first I'd tell them to not change themselves for their significant other/crush. I'd tell them how special they are and emphasize the importance of individuality in a relationship. Second, I'd tell them that love and crushes are fleeting, and that just because they might like/ be in a relationship with someone, doesn't mean they'll be together forever (which might seem obvious to the majority of us, but 12/13 yr olds are still naïve). I'd have to word this delicately, since I don't want to make it seem like I'm dooming love and any future relationships they have, but I also don't want them to be completely blindsided if they were to go through a breakup. And last but not least, if my kids came to me talking about someone they really liked, I'd make them tell me 5 desirable qualities the person has to make sure they understand the difference between infatuation and love. They may be blinded by their crush’s looks, popularity, smarts, and may not see who they really are inside. By making them name 5 qualities in their crush that makes them, well, crush-worthy, I could teach them that to love someone is to love their whole soul, not just their intriguing qualities.
My ideas of love mainly stem from my parent’s relationship. Throughout my entire life, my parents have loved each other and maintained a good relationship, even though they fight (sometimes frequently). My parents showed me that love comes first, and that as long as you're in love , everything else will fall into place. My current relationship has also shaped my views on romance. I believe that my recent experiences have not only shaped the way I see love, but the way I see myself as well. I know i'm only 17, so I'm still really naïve when it comes to relationships. But over time I know I'll gain a more definite sense of love and what it truly means.
Love is something I can’t describe, but would tell my future children that love is inevitable. “The heart wants what the heart wants.” If my thirteen year old daughter and twelve year old son comes up and asks me about love, I’ll probably say something like this:
ReplyDeleteYou’ll fall madly, deeply, quickly, in love with someone, boy or girl doesn’t matter, and you won’t want to ever let them go. You’ll fall madly, deeply, quickly in love with someone and experience heartbreak that’s even more impassioning. You’ll fall in madly, deeply, quickly in love more than one person within your lifetime.
I don’t want to hide anything from my children. I want them to know all my experiences. If they ask, I’ll tell them. I want them to at least know what I did, and from there it's up to them to do with the information I told them. I don’t think I’ll be the type to hold them back from things just because of the mistakes I made. With love, one must go through trial and error to really know what the heck they’re doing. Someone can ask for all the advice in the world, maybe listen to it or maybe not, but still do some dumb shit. Love overpowers lots of decision making. “You do some crazy things when you’re in love.” (I think I first heard that from Disney’s Hercules.) An important thing to remember with romantic relationships, is that you can’t cut off all your other relationships for your significant other. Balance is key. If you end up marrying them, you CANNOT stay in the “honeymoon” phase forever. Trust me, you will get sick of them. You’re going to spend the rest of your lives with them (if you choose to marry them) so you might as well keep a life of your own. Another important keys are communication and compromise. Suuuuper important, especially if my kids end up stubborn, short tempered, and quiet like me. If you don’t communicate, the significant other can’t compromise with you or give you what you want/need. Always remember that they can’t read your mind, so you must simply just tell them what’s going on in your mind. With communication comes compromise. Loving someone, I believe, is doing whatever it takes to make them happy. But self love still exists so you gotta be happy too. I don’t really know how to put this but, if you learn to compromise, especially when fighting, then your relationship will last as long as you let it.
My advice simply comes from my experiences. I’m currently in a healthy, loving relationship so I guess I’m more hopeful for love than someone who isn’t in a relationship. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been with unhealthy people and I know what it’s like to be walked on, bitched at, and torn apart. Looking back, I know where I went wrong so from there I know what to do now. I don't want to hold back my children based off of my mistakes. The only way they'll learn is if they put themselves out there and make mistakes of their own. I'll still be here for them with open arms.
After reading the blog, I was thinking about typing a whole imaginary conversation with my kids. I was going to make fake names and talk about love and how I met their mother. In the end, I scrapped the idea due to creative issues, and it doesn't fit with the blog. I would ask my kids about their definition of love and what they think. I would then tell them my experience with love. The positives and the negatives. How I found my first crush to how I got friendzone twice, and so on. I want my kids to learn what love is by themselves. I hope my experience and my thoughts on love would lead them to find their true meaning themselves. If I had to search and learn what love is, I would want my kids to do the same. The most important information I would give my kids is to love yourself first. As the saying goes, you can't love someone if you don't love yourself. If you can love yourself, then you want to love someone the same way. If this sounds confusing, I am sorry, but I can't explain it in any other way.
ReplyDeleteBecause I was a couch potato throughout my childhood, I learn love from media entertainment. T.V. shows, movies, video games, and music. So my definition of love is basically what the media thinks of it. My view on love starts to changes around when I enter high school. Overall, I want my kids to know that love has pros and cons. It can give you the best feeling they will ever felt, and it takes control of you. At the same time, love can come at a cost that could hurt you deeply. Love is a sensitive thing. I hope I have a good talk with my kids. If all else fails and they still don't understand, I will just say "Ask your mother for my information."
Love is such a hard topic to talk about in the sense of being in a relationship because i’ve never experienced that before but i can talk about self love which is the most important love that anyone can have. Before you can love anyone you have to love yourself. If you don’t truly love yourself then you don’t know what love is even if you think you do. Self love is the love you have for yourself that no other person can make you feel. You have to fully accept who you are in order to love someone. Self love is being comfortable in your own skin and not caring what anyone else has to say. It’s about knowing your beauty no matter the color of your skin, the size pants you wear, or the amount of hair you have. It’s about embracing everything about you that God gave you and taking it in and rocking it. Self love, or any kind of love good or bad can hurt. It can break your heart into a million pieces or make it pump out your chest like it never has before. Of course i want my kids to go out on their own and find love but i’m going to warn them that love isn’t something that should be thrown around like a ball. I’m going to make sure they know that i’m going to be here if they need to talk to someone but I have to let them go out on their own sometime because i can’t hold on forever. Much of what i tell them will be based on my own experience but mostly of what i’ve saw. Most of my ideas of love came from everything around me. I see love everyday because of my parents. No matter how many bumps they hit in the road, they always stand strong. They showed me that love isn’t perfect and never will be but it can get as close to perfect as they want it to be. I feel like because of my parents and everything else i’ve seen, the way i view love has been effected but in a good way.
ReplyDeleteWhen I get older I cannot wait to have kids. I can’t wait to be older, having a beautiful home, a beautiful family, being financially stable… I really can’t wait. I can’t wait to either have a baby conceived from me and my loved one, or an adopted baby, or both who knows. But what I want my kids to know about love is to follow their heart. I feel like everyone views and loves differently. So I could only tell them what I think of love, but I don’t want to in any way bias them. Because I want my children to find love out for themselves. But I want them to be cautious. Be cautious with their heart. I personally love so much- and so so hardly. And sometimes it comes back to bite me in the butt. I want them to love but I want them to be cautious with who they love and who deserves their love. Because not everyone will deserve my baby’s love. I’ve learned love from seeing everyone else. Movies, tv shows, family members. I feel like seeing my family love (mostly my dads side my Titi and Tio), has influenced me. I’m kind of a old school lover.. I don’t know I feel like love is whatever you make it. And whatever someone sees or whatever is surrounded by them. Love is love, and love is whatever you make, think, want it to be.
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteThe first thing I would tell my little babies is to love themselves first. Self love is sososososo important. Without it, how can they love anyone else? They can’t. I can’t stress it enough. Self love was one thing I struggled with for a long time….and still do. I’m so insecure. I’ve never experienced love with someone. I’ve only seen love and grasped its concept from my surroundings, but I’ve never been in love with a person. I’m simply not ready for it. But damn, I want it. I can’t wait to meet my soulmate one day and have kids and grow old together, happily ever after. Just thinking about it makes me feel so happy and excited! But like I said, at this point in my life, I’m just not ready to open myself up and show affection for someone. I’m still in the process of getting to understand and love myself.
I want to be the mom that my kids could come to for ANYTHING. I don’t want my kids to keep things from me or be scared to talk to me. I want to be the understanding mom; the comforting mom; the loving mom; the fun mom; the cool mom. I want to be involved in my kids’ lives and help and care for them as much as I can.
Though by the time I have kids, I’d have more advice to tell them. However, from the experiences that I now know of love, I would tell them to not rush it. They’re young and have their whole lives ahead of them. Along the way, they’ll be ups and downs. But that’s okay because that’s how we learn, for the future.
I’d advise them to not shut yourself out from the world because from my experience, it gets very lonely. I want my kids to be friendly, participate and be very much involved because they can build a lot of relationships, even life-long ones. Life would be a lot less lonely and boring if they don’t do so.
I’d advise them that love is different for everyone. Not everyone looks at it the same. It’s complicated. I think experiencing it for themselves is best because then they’ll find out what it means to them. And of course, I’d be there for them when needed.
Lastly, I’d advise them that love is all around them. They must never forget they have their family, friends and God that will be there for them.
All I wish for my little babies, is that they are happy and healthy. I want the best for them and I’d do whatever I can to take care of them.